A lot of the time, when people write content on game what they’re doing is telling you how to draw women to you. What is less discussed is when you should push women away, or “next” them. My take is you should do it frequently.
Failure to next women whenever they fall short of your standards—or you of theirs—is a common quagmire you should avoid falling into. Instead, you want to be adding women to your pipeline with such regularity that deleting some girl with whom there are problems from your phone is no big deal.
Frame Is Everything
Last week regular ROK commentator Lolknee wrote the following under my article about abundance:
If I ever lose frame even for a hot second I leave a woman. I don’t need a woman in my life who isn’t under the delusion that I am totally fucking perfect’
Now, without wishing to blow smoke up Lolknee’s ass, I would recommend that every man reading this tattoos the above quote on an area of his body where it is easily visible immediately. Seriously. Carry on reading this on your iPhone at the tattooist’s, or else pick up where you left off when you return.
Only joking. But you get my point: Lolknee’s comment is important. When guys usually think about nexting, if they do at all, they think of it in terms of the girl’s bad behaviour. If, for example, she is always late, or brings you loads of drama, or is a money-grabber or something else of the kind, then of course it’s going to cross even the most blue-pilled beta guy’s mind that maybe he should dump her ass. What is equally true, though, is that if you lose the frame in any way and her respect for you plummets then you’re also better off cutting your losses and moving on to another prospect.
Why is this? Well, with hypergamy being what it is, as Lolknee says, it’s much better for the women in your life to think you’re ‘totally fucking perfect.’ Frame, and female-to-male respect, is extremely brittle in the early stages of an interaction. Once you’ve banged a girl a few times, or she’s become your girlfriend then yes of course she is going to give you a little more latitude. A little. But early on, especially in big Western cities, if you make one mistake then you’re screwed. Once she has you in her sights as a potential beta then it’s practically impossible for you to recover the frame. Even if you do end up sleeping with her the sex will most likely be lacklustre and your continued engagement filled with drama.
Am I painting women unreasonably as unforgiving here? Well, the truth is that they can be, particularly in the early stages with men they’ve just met. When you think about it, this is only natural. She naturally wants to attract the best quality mate that she can (this is the function of hypergamy) and therefore if she perceives that you might not be everything your approach suggested you were, then there’s a good chance she’s going to drop you, or at least put you into the ‘provider’ box, one that you might be keen not to inhabit.
The problem is that mistakes happen, even for the best of us. An example. I recently went on a second date with a cute English girl I’d met in London through day game. The first date had gone well—drinks and a visit to Winter Wonderland, the annual Christmas amusement park we have here in Hyde Park. The vibe had been good between us and we’d made out. I’d tried to get her to come back to my place but it was a Sunday night and so not ideal, so I was perfectly happy to wait for our next meeting.
This didn’t occur until after Christmas (incidentally, the Christmas break is like a nuclear bomb going off at the end of every year for those into the game. Suddenly cities are wastelands, no-one’s around for a fortnight and organising dates is nigh-on impossible). We arranged to meet for drinks on a Friday night but when Friday rolled around I was extremely tired after my week at work and so wasn’t particularly on form. I arranged to meet her at a place that was fairly remote, which was a bit of a buzzkill.
Worst of all, though, when she turned she was already drunk, having been out with a crowd of workmates. This meant that the sweet-tempered girl I had met before Christmas was now surly and suspicious. She also expected me to carry the conversation. Being knackered, and annoyed with her for being drunk (I don’t drink alcohol, so it was doubly annoying for me) I wasn’t inspired and so the talk was stilted and frankly dull.
After we’d finished our drinks I watched her walk off into the night. I then took out my phone and deleted her number.
Just Move On
What mistakes did I make on that date? I probably shouldn’t have arranged to meet her on a Friday. I should have chosen a venue that was more central. I should have swallowed my annoyance and made a bit more effort with the chat. Perhaps, having realised she was drunk, I should have excused myself a lot earlier than I did. But I didn’t, and a combination of these errors plus a sudden, barely tangible lack of connection between us meant that she—in my assessment—lost respect for me. Suddenly I was no longer the charming guy who’d stopped her on the subway and had been so witty on WhatsApp. Now I was the guy who’d taken her on a rather flat date. Trust me, that is not the guy I want to be for any woman.
Now, would the interaction with her have been salvageable? Possibly, yes. She was attracted to me, that much I knew—we had made out several times over that second evening. It is likely that, had I left things a few days and then contacted her anew I could have reinvigorated her desire and had another shot. But why would I want to do that? Why fight an uphill battle with some girl who turns up drunk to dates when I live in a city with a population of 8.6m, some of them extremely hot?
Even Just A Sense Of Abundance Allows You To Next With Abandon
Years ago, things would have been different. I would have been on the phone to that girl trying to get her out again, justifying the flat night and doing everything I could to get the notch. Today, thankfully, I can’t be bothered. Today, if a girl lets me down, or if I mess something up causing her to think less of me, I simply walk away and develop another prospect instead.
There’s actually something intensely freeing about clearing the decks, deleting dead phone numbers and looking forward to the future instead. You need to have a modicum of faith to do it—faith in your ability, faith that, yes, you will meet another girl just as hot down the line. But when you acquire that faith then nexting unsuitable girls frees you up for sex and relationships with better ones, clears your mind of drama and shame and gives you back control of your dating life. So why not go through your phone today and get deleting some of those burned-out old numbers?